Search This Blog

Sunday, July 7, 2013

My Fat Story

I haven't always been this way. In fact up until I was 8 or 9 I was considered skinny (oh to be 8 again). I have pictures of me looking like a stick (just wanted to let you know that I have photographic proof and I am not just making it up). Right around then is when I was allowed to stay home alone after school. That was when I would start sneaking food downstairs to our basement (it was more of a rec room) and eat as much as I could until my Mom got home.

I remember as a teenager I was definitely on the bigger side but looking back it still wasn't that bad. Even back than I would occasionally join Weight Watchers. I would do pretty well. However, I got in the bad habit of eating whatever I wanted 4-5 days during the week and then would starve myself for the next couple of days. I was once able to go for 3 days for nothing but water. This lifestyle definitely didn't last long for me.

 I was 17 when I got pregnant with Riley and even during my entire pregnancy it was pretty great actually. I didn't start showing until I was at the end of my 8th month. It was after I had Riley that it started to go really bad. At my 6 week post partum check up I had gained more weight than I had gained during my whole pregnancy.

After that I point it just climbed steadily up. There were a few times that that I would lose anywhere from 25 -50 pounds. It would just come right back on. Usually more than what I had started with. It was a horrible cycle to be in.

In 2005, I knew that I wanted to do a Study Abroad and I wanted bring Riley with me. The only way that Riley's Dad would agree to let Riley come with me, was if he could get him the entire summer of 2005. This led me to finding a job outside of Dexter, Maine and to Mt. Rushmore KOA. I was going to work the front desk at the campground. It is the 2nd largest campground in the US and it is amazing. If you are going to the Black Hills you definitely need to stay here. It has everything from basic tent sites all the way to a hotel and deluxe cabins. The activities they have on site are amazing. The have nightly entertainment and all you can pancakes (need I say more).

Anyway, I was in South Dakota for the summer of 2005 and living dorm style at the Mt. Rushmore KOA. It was such a strange and wonderful experience for me. Even though I was going to college, I had Riley and never had a dorm experience. This was as close as it was going to get. It was a blast getting to be with all of those people. I still stay in contact with a bunch of them. However, I was one of the oldest (USA citizens...we had plenty of people on work visa's that were older than me) and definitely the biggest.

That summer I started to make changes in my eating habits. I wasn't counting calories or anything but just ate smaller portions I was also way more active than I had ever been in my life. I was swimming, and hiking, and walking to work (it was so awesome to only live a half mile from your job). By the end of that summer I had lost 50 lbs. and I was well on my way to becoming a thinner me.

That Fall I maintained the loss but didn't lose anything additional. That January, Riley and I were on a plane to Chile. Can I tell you how hard it is to be such a large person in a country like Chile. I felt like a freak show there. As far as I know nothing was said to me (however my Spanish sucked so who knows). I lived with Leo's family during that time and they were great. It was difficult for me to adjust to them discussing my weight all the time. It was definitely not a taboo subject.

When Riley and I came back to the US in the summer of 2006 I went through something very difficult. My best friend and I (we had been super close since I had moved to Maine in 2002) had a horrible fight and we completely severed ties. It came out of completely left field for me. I went into a really bad depression. I was crying all the time and put back all the weight plus some. I honestly feel like this was worse for me than when I separated from Riley's Dad. I definitely got over the Riley's Dad separation a lot faster.

January 2nd of 2007 brought me to Weight Watchers with a flimsy determination. I had decided I would give it a week. I weighed in at 315 lbs. and couldn't believe I had gotten that big. One week became many weeks and I really started getting into the program. At my wedding in June of 2008 I was down to 210 lbs. I was started to look really good.

The lowest I got down to was 206 lbs. and I was really feeling great about my self. I only had about 60 lbs. more to go. Than I got pregnant in September of 2008 and I regained everything. The Doctor's said that it happens a lot to someone that has so recently lost weight. Most of it was completely my fault though. I let it all go and ate whatever I felt like. When I had Gabrian in June of 2009 I was pretty much up to my original weight. At my post partum check up I had gone back down to 285 lbs. If I had just grabbed the bull by the horns and got back on track I probably could have gotten it off and been back on track in a short amount of time.

Obviously I did not do that. I tried going back to Weight Watchers a couple of times during the next 3 1/2 years but it just did not stick. I would do good for about 12 weeks and then something always happens and I fall off the wagon. The last time I really did good was in the Fall of 2011 and than I separated from my Husband and all my hard work went out the window.

On February 22, 2013 I found myself walking through the doors of Weight Watchers again. I almost felt like crying when I had my start weight of 348 lbs. How did I let this happen? I am basically a fat person with a fat person on my back. Even when I get to half my body weight I will still be considered overweight.

Since my latest attempt at Weight Watchers I was doing great until once again the 12 week mark. I had lost about 25 lbs. I have been making a half hearted attempt since then and I am sure I have gained some back (but since I haven't gone to a weigh in for awhile I don't officially know).

I am putting out to the Universe my plan of action. Anything to make myself more accountable. I want to start a Monday Weight Watcher Series where every week I will report my loss or gain and talk about how the week went. I will start a page that documents my running total of the losses and gains. Also going along with my photo series on Friday, I will always include on photo of me from that week to start to document how I look each week. I hate taking pictures of myself and hate looking at them even more. Hopefully this will be motivation to continue with the losses. I am also officially vowing to exercise every day. I have been reading an awesome blog called Kyle Hepp and while it is about her experience of living in Chile, she had a couple of blog posts about how she lost 50 lbs. and how she has maintained it. A big part of her success was that she really got into exercise. She committed to walking/running for 60 minutes every day no matter what. She really got into running afterwards.

I want to make the same commitment. I am committing to walking for 60 minutes every day (exercise video when it gets cold...hey I live in Maine, it gets really cold here). I think this will help me increase the loss, allow me to eat more, have a chance of not having completely flabby skin at the end of this.

So that was my fat story and my plan of action to my road to my normal weight story. I would love to hear success stories of anyone that has lost any type of weight. How did you do it and how do you keep it off?

***I was going to originally write about the reasons I hate being fat but didn't realize how long my fat story was. I decided that they deserved to be in separate posts. I will have the Reasons I Hate Being Fat up soon. ***