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Monday, July 22, 2013

Monday Weight Watchers Series - Week 2

If a diet was a relationship we would so be done. Unfortunately, I am doing Weight Watchers and I am trying to change my way of life so the diet is going to be that annoying guy that never goes away. I am not sure if you can tell but last week did not go that well for me.

It started off ok, I had my plan for the week and I was prepared to follow it. I bought all my groceries so I could eat every two hours. I made sure all my choices were good ones and not just empty calories. I thought I had set my self up for success. I was going to follow my plan and go in and get my great loss.

I was hungry all the time. I don't know where I went wrong. I am not sure if it was all in my mind or if I was truly hungry. Maybe my choices were not as good as I thought they were.

I made it to Thursday night, hungry the whole way through. Looking back I can see where I went wrong. My Mom had come to visit on Wednesday night and took Riley home with her to visit for a week. I had bought a crème pie for them to have while she was here and I was going to send it home with them. I forgot to send it with them.

I do ok with desserts that are proportioned or Ice Cream in the house. Either of those I can resist and take just a normal portion. I do not do well with pies and cakes that are open to interpretation of how large a piece it should be. There was half a pie left in the house. I decided a piece of pie was exactly half a pie. I was disgusted with myself even as I was eating it. I kept telling myself to stop eating it but I just couldn't do it.

I pulled myself together on Friday and thought I could still get myself back on track. Saturday I actually did great during the Yarmouth Clam Festival and was feeling pretty good. Then Saturday night I decided to have a cocktail after Gabrian went to bed. The cocktail turned into three cocktails and all of a sudden I had eaten a half a bag of Doritos.

I pulled myself back up again on Sunday and I did ok today. I am back to being hungry again all the time. I just want to get back to the way I was the last time I was successful losing weight. I don't understand what is holding me back. Why was it so easy that time and so hard this time.

I just know that I need to keep getting back up and plugging away. I can't keep living like this. This is not the life I want. I want to be healthy and feel good about myself. I want to not be an embarrassment to my kids and family. I want to meet someone that is the right person for me and not just someone that I am grateful too for kind of liking me (or pretending that they like me). I must not give up.

I tried to think of any excuse not to go to Weight Watchers tonight for weigh-in. I kept trying to convince myself that I could go next week when I had lost the weight again. I knew I was lying to myself. I would start to spiral out of control again. I was glad that I had started the Monday Series because I felt committed to report my results.

I dragged myself to the meeting and I weighed in at 323.2 lbs. I had a gain of 2.2 lbs. There is no nice way to say it other than it sucks. All that hard work I did the prior work I have now undone and wasted a week when I could have lost more.

I can't let it get me down. I am just going to get back on track and start following my plan again. See you next week with my results!